Question about Sharing with a Person in Mourning
Dear Miss LARE:
My sister passed last month. Please do not offer your condolences, as we did not get along well.
My niece lost her father years ago. She’s now lost her mother, and is trying to deal with everything on her own, going through all the crap my sister insisted on keeping.
My niece is calling me constantly, asking all these questions about her mother. It’s apparent she didn’t know her mother at all. I mean, she didn’t even know her father wasn’t my sister’s first husband. How did mom and dad met, because I found… Aunt Belle, why does she have…
Should I tell my niece the truth about her mother, or just say I don’t know?
Signed,
In mourning, but not
Answer about Dealing with a Mourner
Dear In Mourning, But Not,
This is a touchy subject. I understand you and your sister did not get along. But she’s out of the picture, so to speak.
It’s horrible your sister didn’t talk to her own child about her life. Your niece is mourning, and she needs to know you are there for her.
I don’t know why some people do that, but you aren’t the first one. It is not our place to judge how someone chose to communicate with their own family.
My advice to you is this.
When she calls, answer her questions, as long as it’s not something that could potentially hurt her. Tell her stories about the good times when you were close to your sister. Let her know about the times when she did something silly. Tell her about when her mother was a child, and there were family events. Talk to her about anything you can remember.
And you should definitely talk to her about her father. It sounds like she wasn’t told much about him. I hope that’s not the case, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
Or, if you aren’t comfortable talking to her about her mother, tell her so. But write in a journal the things that she should know and give it to her. It’s important for her to know about her heritage.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember, she needs to know about where she came from, how she got her morals and values, etc.
Miss LARE
In Conclusion
You should talk to your children about your life. They need to know who they are, and who you are is part of that. Let them know you are a person, not just their parent/grandparent, whatever. They may not appreciate it now, but in time, they will be grateful to know about you and them.