Question
Dear Miss LARE,
I want to do things outside of the house. Like having people to hang out with, do things together, go on local adventures, see movies, that kind of stuff. I’m not what you call a social butterfly, but I despise being by myself all the time. When I go out alone, I still feel like I’m alone, because I have no one to share the experience with.
When I ask a friend to do something with me, I usually get “I’m busy doing something else”. Or “I don’t want to go outside today”. I come up with ideas that are cheap, really fun because we have the same things in common, or just to shoot the breeze. But I am constantly getting denied. That doesn’t seem like friendship to me.
The only offer I ever get is “let’s do a video chat”. That’s not me. I like face-to-face interactions. It’s turning into a real bummer, and I feel like something is wrong with me.
What am I doing wrong? How to I get people to do things with me?
Alone in The District
Answer
Dear Alone in The District,
First off, there’s nothing wrong with you. Times have changed. There’s always been people who were socially awkward, for whatever reason. And it seems like it’s getting more the norm.
From what I hear, people used to actually go to places like bars to find dates, especially if you had a wing-man as backup. There was this thing called a movie theater, which didn’t allow for conversation, but you could talk about it afterwards over coffee. Shopping was an intense thing, but it was better in groups. And of course there was doing things like playing cards, where you would be able to talk when it wasn’t your turn.
But now we are in a world of technology that makes it so easy to do everything from home. Dating apps. Shopping. Texting someone instead of actually calling them (I’ve heard some people refuse to call someone because they would need to do “random responses” instead of thinking about what to say). Gaming online, which can go on for hours, even days without a break. I think it’s called MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game), but what do I know about gaming, I like solitaire. I’ve even seen people doing gaming on their phones in groups, I think it was Pokemon, but they weren’t even talking to each other.
It’s leading us to a lack of socialization skills, IMHO. And it’s not good.
Secondly, don’t ghost your old friends. They have been with you for a while, I’m guessing. You still need them, because they know you. If you want to slowly weed yourself away from them, that’s up to you. But do it slowly, one at a time. Make a list of pros and cons to the friendship before you choose.
Thirdly, you should find some new hobbies that force you to interact with others.
Try these:
- Do you like to read? Find a reading group that meets at a coffee shop or a recreation center.
- Do you like art? What about a class at a museum? Or a learn a new language class at an adult learning facility through the county?
- Join a simple sports league, like beginners bowling, or see if your area has a Volkswalking group.
- What a scavenger hunt or geocaching group?
- If you like gaming, go to a store and ask about a Dungeons & Dragons group that allows new people, or something like Magic The Gathering?
- Find a group of people your age that gets together once a month or something, just to be around others. Again, this could be at a recreation center, a church, places like that.
If you want to be around people, you need to take control of the situation, and adapt it to your needs. Don’t depend on others that didn’t live up to your expectations. Broaden your horizons, and go have some fun. I dare you to try it. You might just like it.
Miss LARE