Question about Retirement
Dear Miss LARE:
I am very worried about my father. He hit retirement six years ago, right after Covid started. He’d lost his common-law wife years ago, but was still active. He’d go bowling several days a week, was involved in church, and would do Bingo every Friday night.
Since retirement, he does nothing. His health is declining. He’s not going out with his friends anymore. He stays at home, reading the occasional book, and watches television all day long. The only time he goes out is for dinner (to the same place) every night and goes to the casino on Saturdays.
Should I be worried about his activity level, or lack thereof?
Couch Potato’s Daughter
Answer
Dear CP’s Daughter,
You aren’t going to like my answer. You can’t really do anything about it, or force him to be active. Your father is a grown man. He can do what he wants. If he wants to be a couch potato for retirement, that’s his choice. Some people like it, are very good at it, and live healthy lives.
The one thing you can do is try to do active things with him. Here’s some ideas of what people in retirement might like.
Retirement Ideas on His Own
- You said he reads. What about signing both of you up for a book club for the genre he likes?
- What about seeing if there’s a retirement group he can join? They do book clubs, fake gambling, do puzzles together, go to the mall, swimming, all kinds of activities that are local to the community.
- Does he still go to church at all? Call his church friends and ask for help. Maybe they have something they do monthly they can try to invite him to.
Ideas for the Two of You
- Does he golf? Or play tennis? Even if you don’t do those things, you can use that as an excuse. “Hey dad, can you teach me how to play golf? At least miniature golf?”
- Go to the casino with him. Watch him play, and ask him questions.
- Go bowling with him, and turn it into a game instead of playing serious. Create tasks, like see what happens if you roll the ball between your legs, don’t get a walking start, or make a competition of who can get the most strikes and gutterballs in the same game.
- Another option might be the advice I gave another caller. What if you did dinner at home, but created a meal based on your father’s favorite place in the world?
Like I said, you can’t force him, but if you try to involve yourself with him doing things, he might just open up and get out of the house with you, and eventually on his own.
Good luck!
Miss LARE